The clubs proud tradition of touring was well and truly re-established over the weekend, as a band of 29 intrepid explorers ventured to Holland for a weekend of beer, rugby and sightseeing. For obvious reasons this was the first tour in 3 years and the first tour on foreign soil for 10 so excitement was high.
We arrived at the club for an early 5am start so a quick kit inspection took place and fines were imposed. We then boarded the coach where, as usual, the tour party split into 2 distinct groups. The younger Club 18-30’s sat at the back of the coach and the older Saga Tourists at the front, I decided I fell into the latter category and played it safe at the front.
We hadn’t gone more than about 30 minutes when a tourist (naming no names) had managed to block the toilet by laying down what can only be described as King Kongs finger in it. Emperor Sappo (or Empire Sappo as Jack Cameron would say) had to try to attempt to unblock it with the only suitable item to hand. Namely my plastic samurai sword that had to be sacrificed. (On a side note this is the 2nd sword that hadn’t made barely an hour of tour after my medieval sword disappeared on the coach leg of our Bristol tour in 2019. Note to self: no more swords on tour.) We soon got to Dover and after managing to get 29 tourists through border control with what we thought was only 28 passports, had a nice complimentary breakfast before the Virgins provided some light entertainment performing some 90s pop ballads. From Calais we made our way through France and Belgium. After a Burger King stop the Club 18-30s mostly fell asleep whist the Saga tourists enjoyed a nice afternoon drinking red wine and taking in the views of the European countryside. This was however momentarily interrupted by Emperor Sappo launching a can of beer at Brooksy’s head causing a great loss of blood. After nearly 12 hours the coach finally arrived in Zaandam where we dumped our bags in the hotel and found the nearest drinking establishment. After a couple of beers, some of the Club 18-30s went in search of the big city for some dancing, romancing and whatever else one gets up to in Amsterdam of an evening. The rest of us frequented the local bars, drank a drink called a flugel and found what must be Hollands smallest bar. Tank and Churchy filling up half of it. Eventually we settled into Heroes Music Bar for some merriment but before long I decided to take a midnight stroll along the canal to retire back to the hotel and contemplate a good first day of tour. Choice for supper was a “meat” wrap from a classy looking establishment called Donner Bey.
Morning arrived and after a weird breakfast containing a yellow sausage we boarded the coach and set upon to Gouda Rugby Club. On arrival our guests welcomed us into their well decorated clubhouse. Being the unofficial club historian, I always take a keen interest in rugby memorabilia and was fascinated by the walls of the Gouda clubhouse with many plaques, ties and shirts from previous visiting teams from around the world. (including I noticed both Bancroft and Brentwood RFC) But I digress. The important matter of Court was then held. Fines were dished out, One of the virgins was tasked to be Greenie’s right arm for the afternoon and a lot of Chilli Vodka was consumed. We then managed to catch a bit of the curtain-raiser game between Gouda under 15s and Chelmsford Under 15s, also on tour, before kitting up and with a Dutch Kenny Rogers as referee the game kicked off. The first few exchanges were scrappy but the tourists managed to get some cohesion and managed to put Winger Dan Libby through to put in Greg Hart for a score before Gouda got one back. The rest of the half being played end to end with more scores from Ryan Davidson, Kieran Gredley and Liam Power Junior it meant that despite some bizarre decisions from Kenny’s Dutch cousin the tourists found themselves in the lead at half time.
The 2nd half went much like the first, both teams going toe to toe at a fast pace. Scores from Jason Taylor (assisted by a great pop-pass by Dan Wren) and a 2nd for Davidson (later accused of hat-trick avoidance) meant that astonishingly (and the first I have ever known) the club actually won a game on tour! The final score being 34-31.
After a quick shower and some burgers laid on by the hosts, Libby and Davidson were chosen for Butler duties to keep the tourists well hydrated for the afternoon. Tour Captain Chris Warner and the Gouda captain then nominated man of the match and dick of the match, before gifts were exchanged. A Dagenham club plaque and tie to add to Gouda’s large collection and in return a Gouda RFC ball and a wheel of traditional Gouda cheese! Festivities continued into the afternoon with a boat race, wibbly wobbly race and traditional spot game. The wheel of cheese was also consumed in quick fashion! We said our goodbyes and headed back to Zaandam, myself having to take on the role of Master of Coin due to Chris Rawlinson having a sudden bout of illness. We found a weird Eurodance club (getting ready for Eurovision in 2 weeks time perhaps?) before heading back to the trusted Heroes Music Bar for another good sing song. Dan Libby this time on hosting duties in his butler outfit. That evenings “Meat” Wrap was provided by Donner City.
Sunday morning came and after another weird breakfast (Tank furious that his bagel had green stuff in it) the touring party headed to the station for the short trip to central Amsterdam, Some tourists bemused by the double-decker train. Once in Amsterdam we ventured on a cultural city tour taking in the sights of the canals and other activities, occasionally broken up by visiting the city’s famous pubs such as The Black Tiger, The Old Sailor and The Grasshopper. The hole in the floor toilet in the Old Sailor left a lot to be desired! We quenched our thirst on yet more Heineken and had another afternoon of merriment and sing song, this time with Liam Power on hosting duties. Some of the club 18-30s enjoyed mixing with the locals and some dancing. Before it got too late Me, Tank and Greenie headed back to the hotel but not before closing time at Macdonalds with Greenie ordering the holy trinity of a Big Mac, Big Tasty and a Quarter Pounder.
An early start on Monday saw what remained of the touring party (many feeling flush decided to upgrade to a plane ticket) board the coach for the 12 hour journey and managed to get some much needed shut-eye! Thanks to everyone for making it a great tour. (One of the best in my opinion). Until next year, drink it down you Zulu Warrior!

More pics can be found by clicking here

Tourists 2023:
J. Cameron, Greenie, Brooksy, C. Warner, J. Warner, Jordan Darkwa, Matthews, Barney, Newson, Davidson, L. Power Snr, L. Power Jnr, P. Power, Fudge, Meggsy, Hart, Eyebrow, Gredley, J. Yellop, D. Wren, Sappo, Sharples, Tank, Murray, C. Rawlinson, Taylor, Libby, Churchy, G. Francis (DNF)